Before we arrived, we negotiated a three to four month lease with the landlord, with an option to renew for one year if we did not give notice to be out by July 31st. That notice would be due next Friday, which means we would need to have located a house and be in escrow to close with enough time to get moved.
We haven't found that house.
While we have seen some very nice homes that came close to what we might like to own, here's what we have found too often, in the form of an aggregate realtor's listing note...
Fabulous home decorated to perfection! Hideous wallpaper borders in every room accent garish and bizarre wall colors selected from the Ringling Brothers & Barnum and Bailey designer collection! Acres of practical pure white or soothing iridescent turquoise shag carpet in most rooms - unconvincing imitation wood laminate or fashionable linoleum in the rest! The exterior thoughtlessly neglected with peeling paint, rotting wood, missing shingles, and cracked pitted concrete! Noisy traffic-snarled street to drown out the screeching neighbor kids on their trampoline adjoining the back yard, where you will enjoy the parched afternoons in the absence of any trees or civilized landscaping while being observed from the numerous windows of the enormous neighboring homes which overlook your backyard on all sides! Relax in your ridiculous gazebo as you contemplate the intricate maintenance activities your back yard water feature offers!
Compact single-car garage plus ample space behind the delapitated fence for your decaying RV or boat! Bring your toys!
Spacious four-level layout guarantees that no small task can be accomplished without traversing small but annoying stairs in every direction repeatedly throughout your day! Enjoy boiling water, whipping up your macaroni and cheese or other gourmet delights in the all-electric kitchen, with a trailer-park-modern electric range to spin that meter into a blur! Included window coverings evoke the carefree elegance of an eastern European working-class whorehouse, while the basement rec-room wet bar encourages you and your friends and family to decompose what's left of your microbrew-sotted livers!
You'll be sure to appreciate the outside meticulously landscaped with dead and dying aspen trees, unsightly overgrown half-dead junipers, and acres of water-demanding high maintenance grassy lawn that will increase your water bill by four hundred percent! Imagine the joy of calling in the lawn-poison and sprinkler service experts year after expensive year - a veritable urban nature preserve to enjoy as your traipse back and forth and back and forth under the relentless Colorado sun spewing noise and hydrocarbons from your gas mower! Later, enjoy the evening under the watchful gaze of those friendly curious neighbors while steeping in the included moldy decrepit hot tub, as the sloughed off dead skin cells and aromatic secretions of the previous owners bubble up around you!
Hurry - don't let this one get away! A rare find in a fine neighborhood! This one won't last!
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