---

I have been trying for a long time to find some positive meaning in the loss I feel for the old life we had in the house in Hayward. Things seemed so much easier then, with work and the routine of caring for the the property. There seemed to be a number of minor annoyances that I can now easily dismiss, but there was also some deeper unease - something the environment probably probably contributed little to.

Today, I ran across some work of Abraham H. Maslow - as a flight instructor I was familiar with a small portion of his work as it relates to learning and the learner. He developed a model for the 'healthy personality' that rings true now as it did when introduced as the "Psychology of Being" in the 1950's.

Here are a few out-of-context but representative elements from the greater text.



"Growth has not only rewards and pleasures but also many intrinsic pains and always will have. Each step forward is a step into the unfamiliar and is possibly dangerous. It also means giving up something familiar and good and satisfying. It frequently means a parting and a separation, even a kind of death prior to rebirth, with consequent nostalgia, fear, loneliness and mourning. It also often means giving up a simpler and easier and less effortful life, in exchange for a more demanding, more responsible, more difficult life. Growth forward is in spite of these losses and therefore requires courage, will, choice, and strength in the individual, as well as protection, permission and encouragement from the environment..."

and

"To be strong, a person must acquire frustration-tolerance, the ability to perceive physical reality as essentially indifferent to human wishes, the ability to love others and to enjoy their need-gratification as well as one's own."

Well. So there are powerful creative forces in play, and I will take this as validation of sorts, for what it's worth. So many times I have been told and realized independently that remorse for past actions undertaken in good faith is of no value, but the reassurance that the painfulness is inevitable but not necessarily an indiction that a grave error was made is welcome nonetheless.

Especially now, at the end of May, when the huge dark cherries on my tree would have been hanging in heavy bunches for me to pluck and savor as I stood under that tree in the park and orchard I made of our back lot...

---