Today, I went to the weekly Saturday puppy rescue adoption event and gave up my most recent foster Loni to a lovely new family who should be able to give her a wonderful life.  They are a great mom and dad with lots of dog experience, three young kids who love dogs, and another dog already in the household.

Loni meets her new family

I only had Loni for two weeks, but she grew to be very dear to me, as much as any of the other dozen or so dogs I have fostered.  It makes me very sad that I can't keep one of these great dogs, but I have not been successful in finding my way forward from the unsatisfactory experience of living in Colorado, and until I have some idea where and how I will be living in the future I can't make sense of a lifetime adoption.  The consolation is that all these dogs really need a foster interval after their rescue from their tough former lives, to give them a chance to move on to a permanent adoption.  While they are here, I get to experience their affection and appreciation for a comfortable, safe, emotionally rewarding existence - maybe the best they have ever had so far.  I try to increase their confidence, nurse them back to health and an appropriate weight (many are emaciated), and assess their behavior so I can help  guide them into their new adoption homes with as much ease as possible.  If they don't know any tricks (or manners) I try to teach them some - at least 'sit' for a treat, and how to go for a walk on a leash.

Loni soon after being left in my care

The rescue director usually sets me up with post-puppy momma dogs in need of rest and rehab.  I want to blame my sorry circumstances of no direction forward for my inability to adopt one of these sweet girls myself, but the truth is I am resistant to accepting the responsibility of a lifetime of care and guardianship under any circumstances at this time.  Even though I had two wonderful dogs back-to-back over twenty years (Mummadog passed a few years ago) when things were going better, recently it seems until I can do a better job looking after myself, I'm not sure I should be taking on permanent pet parenthood again.  I worry about their health, what mischief they might get into, and how best to nurture them in various ways.  I also have a pretty long list of things I would like to be spending more time on and doing a better job with, and have an increasingly low tolerance for distractions of any kind.  When I consider what the adoptive families usually have to offer these dogs that are emerging from an uncertain hard life, I feel like my role is best serving as a foster transition, so on it goes.  A little break between accepting new fosters - there is always that anxiety about whether they will be too much to handle (Are they house-potty-trained?  Are they destructive (in the house and out in the yard/garden)?  Will I be able to leave them alone in the house?  Will they be aggressive, or excessive barkers?  Then there is the inverse - will they be such darling little angels that they will break my heart as I hand them off to a lucky new family that has a stable life to share with them?

I hope someday I am secure enough in my own life to have a lifetime canine companion again - until then I guess I will just try to offer a needed service and foster from time to time.  Maybe I can even do both one day!

I follow a blog from an interesting and kind fellow who lives full-time in his RV in Mexico.  Recently, he has settled down for a while in a spot with a nice summer climate, where he has befriended a little local dog called Peluchita.  Today, his daily post included the following:

"While I am messing around in the garden, little Peluchita comes to bother me to give love. She is a dog whose heart is filled with love. She does not want much from me. Only to give love. She is a quiet dog, and she does not share much of her prior life with me. But I get the idea of it though. Her life comes thru. Her life has not been easy."

Well said, George.  I know exactly what you mean.  This has also been my experience with most of my foster girls - certainly with little Loni...

Loni shares my stuffed dog Binky one morning in bed
Glad at least he is still here...  

 

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