A few days ago, I was really upset by the way a number of things were going. My frustration in managing finances in the face of a frightening economy, our living situation, work and career - all seemed unmanageable. It seemed I couldn't handle any more disarray in my life. Friend Arlene came over and offered sympathy and advice to get over these concerns and move forward.

The next morning I awoke determined to have a more positive and optimistic attitude. Went downstairs, put on the coffee, fed the dog, and went to wake up the computer.



Where my notebook computer usually sat, there was an empty space. I knew instantly that someone had been in the house, while M-dog and I slept upstairs, and taken it. My next thought was of my wallet, which I often leave laying nearby on the desk. Gone. And the $100 grocery money in the cigar box. And my cheap watch.

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For the past year and a half, I have been engaged in a monumental struggle, trying to find the means to achieve peace of mind and construct some sort of structure for the future. The desire to start over in Mexico several years ago was really the early kick-off for this journey, as innumerable small annoyances and dissatisfaction mislead me to discount the value of what we already had. But things really kicked into scary overdrive once we cut loose from our house and jobs, and hit the road seeking something that just seemed to become ever more elusive. Ending up here in Alameda for the past year, it seemed a port in the storm, but recently the pressure to select a next step has seemed to increase. More annoyances and dissatisfaction with more stuff. Continued insecurity.

And now, this.

Here's why this was a good thing. I've needed for a long time to stop looking for security and satisfaction from external sources. I've been afraid of so many things that really don't have much substance, and feared my relative position in the world because of these mostly insubstantial threats.

I found a resource with potential to work for me in resolving these problems, and improve my life and the way I relate to the world. For me, this is the Buddhist belief system and all its rich and varied teachings. I look at Buddhism not so much as a religion as an intricate codified body of wisdom and indisputable common sense. Psychology without the fees and couch and pharmaceuticals. Spirituality without the corruption of church hierarchy and doctrine.

But I wasn't really convinced in a meaningful way that redemption or resolution were attainable for me. I stubbornly clung to my old familiar ways. Now, in the context of this direct and shocking assault on my sense of security, I think I'm more motivated to quit grasping with the mind set that inevitably results in unhappiness and an anxious mind, and really try to adopt the philosophy that offers more peace of mind and joy in life.

I'm going to embrace the idea that when this person came into my house and made off with these important symbols of identity and effort to control the circumstances of life, I was brought to that low point that so many must face in order to confront their failure to cope with life on the wrong terms. I'm going to use this experience to make the rest of my life work better, and learn to follow the path to wisdom and contentment more confidently.

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This blog started out as a journal of our efforts to make a new life in Mexico. The events of this week may actually be an important step in making that all work out eventually. Without some sort of better way of dealing with the world, even the inherent potential joy of life in Mexico doesn't offer any real assurance of success there.

I'm not sure that it was really necessary to have this dream of life in Mexico in the first place, but it is still a worthy intention on its own merits, and I hope we will pursue it to fruition. Coming soon - a visit to Guadalajara to get a feel for what life there might be like. Stay tuned.

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