A couple of days ago, Pat got enough visibility into his travel and project schedule to announce that I could go ahead with my next foray into Mexico - to Michoacan - if I could be back by the weekend of the 17th. Given the time I need to cover all the territory for this trip, this meant I would probably have had to depart this Friday - the 9th.

Too soon.

I had some lame excuses, like the fact that I had just filled the refrigerator with perishable stuff from the farmers market that didn't fit the MRE model that works best for Pat when on his own, and the fact that I hadn't completed some research on the who what where and when of my journey.


Photo of angry Wyoming sky by Mona Dunn...

But in fact, I just need to settle down a bit and get more psyched up for my next outing SOB (South of the Border). Still trying to get to the root of depression, or seeing occasionally hints of the roots and trying to figure out how to turn things around. Sometimes this seems as futile as trying to change the weather.

Most of the problem has to do very simply with dissatisfaction with the way things are - mostly with regard to work and where we live (and don't live) - which results in a lot of mucking around in the past and fantasizing about various mutations of possible futures. I fret about whether we are making any progress at all toward whatever we are ultimately going to end up doing, and how little clarity we seem to have on what that is.

Yesterday I ran across a long manuscript that included the following comments...

"Does relaxing the requirement to see ourselves "getting somewhere" at all times, open the possibility for fresh air, fresh perception, to come in? There may be more time for a stronger sense of direction to reveal itself. But we also could just be in less of a hurry. We never really know what the ultimate implications are of anything. So what's the hurry?"..."We seldom experience contentment no matter what level we are on because we can't handle the lack of drama. We can't accept that we don't really know what the long-term implications are of anything."

And...

"We pursue external goals we presume will also bring along the contentment we long to experience or at least move us along the path toward it. We constantly think, "if I could only get this or that together, then I would be happy." or subconsciously "how could I or anyone be truly content without, blah, blah, blah."

This fellow (Layth Matthews), goes on at some length about how a successful search for fulfillment ALWAYS has to be inward-directed, and how pursuit of the perfect house/town/country/retirement potfolio is doomed to provide little satisfaction in the absence of the 'inherent wealth' that includes savoring in-the-moment living with all its unfathomable vagaries and surprises. This wealth does not have to be sought from outside - it is available and present for anyone to reveal as an inate endowment of their humanity. Watching the people of the obliterated Gulf region struggle with the aftermath of natural disaster and inept government made it easier to experience gratitude recently, which helps to uncover that appreciation of inherent wealth.


Photo of peaceful evening Wyoming sky by Mona Dunn...

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