Above my kitchen cabinets there is a brass Buddha given to me by someone I used to enjoy working with in Calfornia. I spoke to him today, and mentioned my interest in returning to the Bay Area later this year to work again with him and our CIO. What will evolves from this idea?

I miss the opportunity to work with bright creative people in a stimulating environment, and the striving to contribute something that brings satisfaction and occasional recognition.

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I went to a local social networking event with green-oriented folks this evening. Free cranberry-wheat beer and chocolate stout local micro brews and mexican food from a local cantina.

On the way home I observed lightning against dark clouds over the part of the town where the house is located. After rolling into the driveway, I looked up, and the view above was the...view above.

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I went to the studio in Old Town Tuesday to work with Kirsten, not knowing what to expect from her and having no plan of my own. She had me select a painting from a book of vaguely disturbing images by a Norwegian painter. You can see a bit of the result above on the left. I find such exercises challenging, and not very satisfying, but can't dispute the value in various dimensions.

Kirsten is very pleasant to work with, and offers much to someone like me with no academic training, but I may need to take a month off to just...paint. Then I can make better use of what I learn there.

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Guess I wasted a few hundred gallons of water yesterday, as we just got drenched with a huge downpour and hailstorm. Shredded a bunch of tender new plants - haven't had the heart to go inspect everything yet.



Tornadoes all over Northern Colorado.


Small branches and leaves knocked off surrounding trees.

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Another 'what was I thinking' Project From Hell is currently underway, as I attempt to complete installation of a bench/arbor in the backyard.

I had this simple vision of a nice place to sit with some vines growing on it. Looked around town for a bench/arbor - nobody sold one locally. Checked into having one built here - sure, for about $600. Found this one on eBay for a few hundred bucks delivered (from Texas - my bench has a high carbon cost), and ordered it. Sat boxed in the garage for about five months. Pat assembled it this spring. Sat in the garage assembled for another month. Spent a day stain/sealing it. Couldn't find the right spot for it in the back yard, set it here and there for another couple of weeks. Finally decided to put it over by the compost bins, eventually to have shrubs planted behind it to screen the view (another PFH?). Ground not level - dig, buy landscape blocks, level. Dig holes in horrible soil for Porceline Berry/Ampelopsis vines bought last summer that have sat in pots all winter (three of four survived and are budded). Picture above shows where I'm at as of tonight.

Tomorrow morning I hope to get the vines planted, spread wood mulch underneath. Then, for fourth corner planting go to nursery(ies) seeking a nice Hall's honeysuckle for attractive hummingbird-attracting sweet-scented flowering vine. Finally, relocate some stepping stones for informal path from back door.

Next time - couple of $5 yard sale plasic resin chairs set in a nice spot. Save enough money for 40 cases of premium local beers and time to sit and enjoy them.

All I wanted to do was enjoy sitting in the garden.


guy enjoying sitting photo © Marie-Lan Nguyen / Wikimedia Commons

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Becky and Rowdy

When I checked email late tonight, I found a message from Becky. It was news I had been expecting, about a sad event we had discussed many times over the past few months.

"Today...I said a peaceful goodbye to my beloved companion, confidant and best friend. There are no regrets, we had 14 marvelous years together..."

There was much more - some very sad, some funny, and with some fond remembrance of a few of those events and routines over a long friendship that one especially likes to recall.

When I first saw Rowdy a several years ago, I noticed the lopsided grin and droopy ear that Becky said were probably the result of a small stroke. He was already a pretty grizzled guy then, but got around pretty good and with a very sweet personality.


Best friends.

As Rowdy aged over the past few years, he grew increasingly unsteady as his joints began to fail. Well past a point where many would have hastened the end, Becky helped him every way she could, making rituals they both enjoyed despite the hardships they experienced along the way. They made the most of their time together, right to the end.



I think of this as I look at Mummadog laying on the couch tonight. She is not much younger at 13 years. I am aware of how little time we have left together - it is one reason I resist the possibility of having a full time job. Many times during the day, we connect - for a biscuit, a walk, for her to lie in they yard in the sun watching me do things in the garden. I surprise her with my touch as I stroke her fur passing by her dog bed passing by up and down the stairs by which it lies. We nap.


Rowdy and Mdog



There is a quote about this thing, that I found to be so true when we lost our adored Lucky Dog a while back after twelve eventful years.

Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.

John Galsworthy

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Pat and I went to the opening celebration of the Fort Collins Shambhala Meditation Center in Old Town Saturday night. I had worked on and off on various small projects there beginning with demolition of the old interior last fall, so it was nice to see the final result alive with people.


We were directed to dress up for the occasion - as we don't even own a suit between us, this was the best we could do. My first wearing of a tie in several years.

After a long period of silent sitting, recognition of volunteers and contributors, and various toasts to lineage luminaries, there were ample nice treats and adding to the buzz of the saki toasts the beer and wine flowed freely. I imagine Trungpa Rinpoche would have enjoyed the event, which grew increasingly rowdy in contrast to the silent beginning.

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Yesterday I finished the new Mexican street scene I started Tuesday morning. A few small details continue to get tweaked as I pass by the drying canvas and notice things, but I have to be careful not to overwork it.

As close as I felt to discarding everything related to art work Tuesday night, I guess I will plan to crank up the rate of production to see where this leads for a while.

There are some similarities between trying to produce a painting and the passing by of life as we struggle to find a path. We conceive of a possibility, and envision how it might work out. A lot of effort goes into preparation, and we commence the activity. Problems develop - there is a lot of uncertainty and the scope of the challenge looms larger than we imagined. Will the result be worth the effort, or risk that the entire task will be a waste of time, with nothing to show for our struggle? What ever motivated us to start down this path in the first place....

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The new street scene - I forgot to get a sketch photo before beginning to apply paint.

Yesterday, I began work on a new Mexican street scene, under the guidance of my recent painting mentor, Kirsten Savage. I think she made a little progress in steering me away from my minutely fussy detailed approach (which she gently derides as a sort of 'paint by numbers' effort). Bigger brushes, defining broad areas with bolder brush work and lots of paint, stopping before too much detail is introduced to find a point where enough information is provided while still leaving something to the viewer's imagination.

I continue to learn small but important lessons about materials and technique, drawing on her academic training and her generous sharing of things learned as a working artist.


Yesterday late afternoon, after about five hours work.

Remarkably, I reached near completion of this piece last night (this morning) around 2am. A few hours earlier I was ready to throw the canvas (and all my other tools and materials) in the nearest dumpster, so frustrating is this process for me. I look at my half-completed work, and see so many unresolved problems and have such doubt about my ability to work them out.

I also ultimately question what the point of this time-consuming (and not inexpensive) activity is. I doubt the practicality of generating income with painting output, and really don't think I seek the admiration of viewers so much. I enjoy seeing the pieces myself as they take shape and after they are complete, but once I am convinced I have the ability to succeed (as in my photography, aviation, and IT careers) my interest wanes.

Ah well, maybe just one more piece...

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Mona was here for the past few days. She brought with her:

Steaks (from a grass-fed ranch cow)
Various flower starts
Vegetable seeds
THREE dozen eggs from her chickens, and those of a neighbor for whom she chicken-sits.
Books with good advice on everyday living (the hardest kind!)
Wire fencing/trellis
Cow poop (a five gallon bucket)
Raspberries
Pancake batter
Wild asparagus
Some vegetable stew
More stuff I have probably forgotten...

Not long ago, she made me a necklace of some mineral and semi-precious beads - all selected for their properties of affecting various emotional, intellectual, or physical needs. I had been wearing it for some time, but was giving it a rest and it lay on my nightstand for the past week or so. For her visit, you would think I might have picked it up and worn it, just to demonstrate how much I appreciate and cherish the gift and the effort that went into designing and fabricating it (it is very finely crafted).

But no. Not until this afternoon, after she was on the road home did I pick it up and place it again around my neck. I felt like such a schmuck - especially since she and I visited a couple of bead shops during her visit where I would have enjoyed showing it off to the proprietors.

When I mentioned this to her after calling to make sure she arrived safely at home in Wyoming, she said she didn't even notice.

Add kindness and generosity that she always arrives with to list of gifts above ...

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Friend Leon in San Francisco sent along the following note today...wonder if he read something here that inspired this, or just wanted to share this bit of good news/advice?

Since everything is but an apparition,
Perfect in being what it is,
Having nothing to do with good or bad,
Acceptance or rejection,
You might as well burst out laughing!

~ Longchenpa

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With my Jalisco gorra and Mexican bandera - muy sympatico, no?

Yesterday Pat and I rode bikes to Old Town for the final day of Cinco de Mayo activities at the civic center. It was nice to have a small Mexican experience, with the music, food, people, and litter that you might find any day of the week in the plaza of a small pueblo South of the border.

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